Sweet, Delicious Terror

This year we decided to take Peyton and Ella strawberry picking. I put it on the To Do in Iowa Before We Move to California list. So that meant if we didn't pull it off I would have a void in my heart that can only be understood by hard-core list makers. DON'T MESS WITH THE LIST! It's how we are. It's what we do.

Of course they have berry picking elsewhere, like in California, and I'm sure it's just as fantastic, but I wanted to do it in Iowa. Because I wanted to do it in Iowa. Because it's Iowa. But the weather in Iowa is so wacky that it stormed consistently from 8 am - 12 pm almost every single day. Those hours, of course, are the very hours that you are allowed to pick berries at the Berry Patch.

We had only few precious days left to cross everything off Darcy's Crazy-Maker List, so James and I finally decided: TOMORROW IS THE DAY WE PICK STRAWBERRIES! RAIN OR SHINE!

The next morning: It stormed. And we didn't back down. Because we're awesome.

We drove up to The Berry Patch. The lady in charge handed us a couple of empty ice cream buckets for the kids:

And pointed us in the direction of the strawberries and blueberries with a warning, "If it starts to thunder, GET IN YOUR CAR!"

And off we went to find the strawberries:

And the blueberries:

And it poured.

But it was hot, so we braved it. In our shorts and rain jackets:

And I'm so glad we did! It was so much fun! Within a few moments the rain stopped.

One for the bucket:

One for me:

One for the bucket:

One for me:

And as we drove back to the front to look for cherries, I heard a faint but steady buzzing sound. And then I saw (from the safety of the car with rolled up windows) what I can only assume are my worst nightmare. Bee hives. Just writing that makes me shudder.

When I see a bee in real life, and my kids are with me, I do the whole, "Bees only bother you if you bother them," nonsense that parents tell their children. So, basically, I lie. Because I know. And while I'm winning my own personal Best Actress Award on the outside, inside I'm slowly dying of terror. Same with wasps and hornets and every mean, horrible bug out there in the world. Because they are ALL after me. Because they want to sting me and bite me and make me die a slow, horrible death.

James zoomed in to take this picture so you could see them better:

I took this picture so you could see how TERRIFYINGLY CLOSE I was to them:

A mere moment away from swarms of Darcy-stinging terror. I KNOW!

Then we drove over to the cherries. Here's the deal with the cherry trees. They are covered with gazillions of wasps. Did you know that? It's true.

I walked in bravely, tasted a cherry just to say I did, and decided no matter how sweet it was (and it wasn't), I wouldn't be risking my life by picking any more.

James and the kids were a little more brave (obviously the kids didn't notice the wasps):

On our way out, James bought me one of the metal picking trays. We're going to polish it up a little and maybe paint the wood handle white. Aren't they cute?

And what did we do with all our strawberries? We made fresh strawberry shakes! Ella was in charge of deciding how many strawberries went into the blender. So you know that means that every last strawberry got shake-ified.

Delicious! Totally worth defying death.

And I got to cross berry picking off my list - crisis averted!

Giggles

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald ,
San Francisco
 At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
Seattle , WA
 One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications..
' Which one ?' .. . I asked. 'The patch... The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair ,
Norfolk , VA
 While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered . . ..
' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR
I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?'
' It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. .. . Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,
Detroit ,
 A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . ..' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name,
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..
 As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . . ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . . ' No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner .' '

Dr. wouldn't submit his name....
Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied..
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came.

Crazysues Last Doll With Golden curls

Crazysue over on the Chat board has created yet another wonderful doll creation.
Full of life and fun to look at.
I love the face and blond curls
Congreats on another wonderful  Doll

Foam Flowers

Cute and easy to make foam flowers
You all know  I love flowers.
These are wonderful for cards,packages, hair clips , magnets all kinds of great crafts.
This tutorial is easy and quick.

The tutorial for these can be found  HERE 

Paper Red White and Blue

This easy to make paper wreath

can be found with instructions over on Family fun go.

Great craft for the kids and strung together
 as a fence

decoration this would make a bold statement.

Find Instructions HERE

The Bandana Purse

This cute little purse and instuctions on how to make it was sent by Donna to the Chat Forum. Link can be found HERE If it appers in Italian please go to Google translate and change to english.  Many thanks again to Donna in NC

Fancy Coffee Filter Corsage

 Thanks to AmazingMoms for this idea!

Create them this unique and beautiful Fancy Coffee Filter Corsage that can last years.

All you need are:
•3 Coffee filters
•1 Pipe Cleaner
•Acrylic or Watercolor Paint
•Paint brush
•Scissors
•Ribbon
Hot Glue Gun
•Optional Embellishments: doilies, felt balls, broken jewelry, decorative paper


To create, simply follow these steps:
1.Start with 3 coffee filters.

2.Flatten them out with your hand.

3.Fold the filters like a fan. One fold towards you, one away, until you reach the end.

4.Once you have your folds all done, cinch the center with a pipe cleaner.

5.Then gently, open up each “petal” one by one.

6.The next step involves paint. Choose any color or colors of acrylic or watercolor paint, that you want the edges to be.

7.Water the paint down as much as you can, while still retaining the color.

8.Then slowly drag your brush along the edges, and watch the watery paint bleed onto the filter petals. This is my favorite part…

9.Next, cut off the ends of your pipe cleaner, so that you can hot glue a ribbon on to the back, to serve as your wrist tie.

10.The next part involves any creativity and imagination you want to incorporate into your corsage. Use papers, doilies, ribbons, felt balls, bits of broken jewelry or anything you wish, to embellish your corsage… I used wrapping paper for leaves and I hot glued doily edges here and there for extra frill. I used hot glue for this entire project. Make sure not to let children use a hot glue gun without adult supervision.
Wala ! Flower Corsage