I would not be going outside for any reason, no matter what, for the rest of the day.
I'm sure the Bug People are all, "What a beautiful specimen of blah blah blah." / "Ichneumon Wasps are parasitic on other insects, so they are good to have in the garden blah blah blah."
I mean, C'MON! There is no reason for an insect like this to exist.
And I'm not the only one. Check out what THE Charles Darwin said: "I cannot persuade myself that a beneficent and omnipotent God would have designedly created the Ichneumonidae with the express intention of their feeding within the living bodies of Caterpillars, or that a cat should play with mice."
My translation: They are just NOT RIGHT.
And I know you are totally impressed that I have Darwin to back me up on this one. Take THAT Bug Lovers! DARWIN! MY SIDE!
And Bug People, don't even TRY to fool me with, "That's not a stinger, it's an ovipositor. It's how the female lays the eggs." BECAUSE I KNOW! I KNOW THE TRUTH! It's not only a stinger, it most definitely expands to wrap itself around my neck before it sticks me REPEATEDLY with the end. IN THE NECK. And then for dessert it goes for my eyeballs. And then I die. And I'm dead. Thanks, Iowa. And thank you, Nature. You are both jackasses.
Dear Iowa,
Your bugs suck.
Without love,
Darcy
What's that? You really want to see Just One More picture at a slightly different angle? Here you go:
Dear Bug,
You're stupid. And you're dumb. Really, really lame. So lame that I'm making the L sign on my forehead even though I haven't done that since, um, ever. That's how lame you are. La-AME. And now I present this last one in song, "Laaaaaammmme!"
No love here,
Darcy
I could try to reassure you, internet friend who totally understands me, by maybe saying that this wasp on my sliding glass door was really, really, really small and I used a super-power zoom lens. BUT IT WASN'T and I DIDN'T. The thing was like 4 inches long. I'M NOT JOKING. Sweet dreams.
Dear Fireflies,
I still love you. You are the coolest bug EVER!
Love,
Darcy
